Smoke and Mirrors
by Late For The Sky
Summary: And here Carson was having such a normal day...Too bad the Pegasus Galaxy had other ideas! written for the role reversal challenge on sga flashfic.


**A/N: **_Standard disclaimers apply. Written for the Role reversal challenge on sgaflashfic. WARNING: Total crack!fic._

Carson was busying himself about the infirmary, taking an impromptu inventory of the medical supplies and seeing what he would need to requisition the next time the _Daedalus _came to Atlantis, when the babble of voices heading his way made him pause in the middle of counting boxes of latex gloves. He poked his head out of the supply closet to see Colonel Sheppard and his team enter the infirmary and sit down on the exam beds near the middle of the room. All four were talking furiously at each other, and the poor nurses who were attempting to figure out what was going on were unable to do anything. 'Alright, everyone hush now.' Carson said, making his way over to the group. 'Colonel, care to tell me what's going on?'

To his surprise, it wasn't the Colonel who answered, but rather Rodney. 'Well, we just got back from M4J-320, and-'

'Rodney, I asked the Colonel to answer, not you.' Carson interrupted. Rodney blinked, and then grinned lazily, which threw Carson off even further. 'I _am_ the Colonel, Carson. As I was trying to say, we ran into a machine that made us switch bodies.'

'Oh, please, Colonel "Oh look, what does _that_ button do?".' Teyla said, startling Carson. 'You couldn't resist touching the panels-'

'You said they were dead as doornails! Those were your exact words.' John-Rodney said, making Rodney-Teyla throw her-his? –hands up in the air in exasperation. Carson rubbed at his temples, and then sighed.

'Dare I ask who's currently in John's body?' he asked, ignoring John and Rodney's continued bickering.

'Me, doc.'

'Ah. Hullo, Ronon.' He turned to Ronon's body, which had a rather calmer expression on its face than normal. 'How are you doing, Teyla?'

'I am fine, though I do feel rather awkward in this body.' she replied, shifting slightly on the bed.

'Aye, I'd expect that.' Carson sighed once more, and then ran a hand over his face, thinking. 'If I remember correctly, there was a case like this that involved most of SG-1 some years ago.' He said aloud. 'A device played musical chairs with their bodies, but after a few days-'

'Wait, back up. We're going to be stuck like this for a few _days_?' Rodney-Teyla asked, eyes widening.

'I never said that, Tey-_Rodney._ They didn't know that Daniel Jackson and the alien known as Machello had switched bodies. Since we _do _know what happened, it should hopefully be relatively easy to switch you back. Presuming, of course, that whatever device did this to you works on the same principle.' Carson informed him, sitting on the end of Ronon-John's bed. 'We'll do some tests to make sure everything's alright with you, and then see about going back to that planet and getting this fixed.'

'How soon do you think that'll be?' John asked, looking slightly anxious. 'There're a few things I need to get done that I don't think I can with Rodney's body.'

'You think _you_ have problems?' Rodney asked, his voice going high. 'I'm a _woman_ for Chrissakes! I have _breasts_.'

Teyla raised an eyebrow, a slightly bemused look on her face. 'I do not think they will be causing you any trouble, Rodney.' She said, an amused tone in her voice. 'I am not on my monthly cycle, so you do not have to worry about that, either.'

'Thank God for that.' Rodney said, shivering slightly at the thought.

'_Anyways_,' Carson said, clearing his throat to get the team's attention back. 'It shouldn't take more than a few hours for the tests to run, and then we'll get working on fixing this whole mess. Ideally, I'd confine you to your quarters, but since it's the middle of the day, I'll just have a nurse escort each of you until the tests come back. If any of you-' Here he glared at Rodney, who had the good grace to look affronted. 'Start having problems, you are to come to the infirmary immediately, no questions asked. Understood?'

There was a general nodding of heads and agreements, though Rodney's was rather sulky. Carson shook his head as he motioned for the nurses to start the tests, thinking that while he loved being in the Pegasus Galaxy, he often wished that it wouldn't throw so many curveballs at him. As he walked away, he heard Rodney wondering if certain dietary restrictions carried over to their new bodies. That sparked a whole new conversation that made Carson wince and pray to whatever higher being there was that was watching over the Expedition for a quick and speedy solution to this problem. If there wasn't, as surely as the Wraith hunted humans, there'd be hell to pay and chaos to take care of, and Carson _really _didn't want to have to deal with that.

_God help us all. _He thought, wishing he could just lock himself in his office and pretend this never happened.


End file.
